The Spot

I cannot find a spot
I look when I can
When I am alone
When it is quiet
When the light seems brighter
I search
I know there are many
I want to believe there are none
But I know
And I feel the need to atone

But for what?
My sins seem petty
I wish to confess to something big
Vanity again
My sins embarrass me
They are stupid shallow things
They reflect my inadequacy
They show me as I really am
I am not what I pretend
Always the façade
Grandiose with false humility

I have had chances
I have ignored offers
I have neglected friends
I start and lead on
But fade and not finish
I disappoint
Myself and others
I lie to myself
I rehearse my role
What is true I forgot
I cannot find a spot
Where I belong